|
Tomarrow We Will Talk About Yesterday
|
|
|
| Happy Turkey Day, Loves. |
[Nov. 24th, 2005|03:18 pm] |
(Keep them axes swingin'!)
Thanksgiving
Oh happy day, I know there’s nothing as fine,
As a Thanksgiving dinner, upon to scrumptiously dine.
We’ll eat our fill and then some more,
Like a hungry bear needing winter fat to store.
Then when we’re stuffed ‘till our belly does hurt,
Some wise guy will ask; don’t you want some dessert?
We’ll unbutton our pants before they finally pop,
Then find a comfortable seat and just go plop.
We’ll gripe and complain about eating too much,
But, we need one piece of pie for the finishing touch.
There’ll be leftovers galore, won’t you stand up and cheer,
That Thanksgiving only comes one time a year. |
|
|
| Juggalos will carry on.. |
[Nov. 15th, 2005|02:51 pm] |
Today was real, real tough.
I didn't update yesterday 'cause I didn't get home til later. Honestly, I expected a lot worse when I was going to see him. He looked very different, I'll say that much. The only thing that kept me from not breaking down every second was knowing how pissed off he would be to know he had makeup on. Heh. Made me remember one of the times I was trying to hide a hickey on his neck, and he was really mad that I had to cover it up with makeup 'cause he felt gross with it on his neck.
He looked as handsome as ever though. It made me feel so much better to give him a final goodbye, and be able to hold his hand, cold or not, it made me comfortable. I fixed his eyelashes a few times 'cause they kept going together. It was strange. Even though I cried, and it hurt so bad to know he's gone, I felt so much safer up at the casket near him. It kept me strong knowing that he wanted me to help everyone stay strong, so I did my best with that; like reminding them how he would've been mad about the makeup, and his nails being cut and cleaned. Or how they had him dressed in a hoodie he stole from Khols, just the little things cheered me up so much.
Today was rough though, the funeral. I didn't really like the readings 'cause the lady was rambling on about some space-suit reptile shedding process that set his spirit free, then they put me in the middle of a big circle, not sure why, and I felt real awkard. I couldn't help but smile thinking Andy was up there goin' "What is this bitch doing!? Get my girl out of there and put her next to someone!" The final goodbyes were nice tho, I liked how everyone laid flowers with him, even though I could just picture him tossin' them everywhere goin "Get these offa me!" I went up there by myself and my mom came up there, which kind of made me mad 'cause I wanted a moment with him, so I asked her to leave. I held his hand and told him I loved him and always would, and just asked him to watch over all of us. I told him not to be mad about the embarassing photos, or the makeup, or cutting his nails, and I smiled for a moment. I told him to sleep well and kissed him goodbye, knowing it was the last time I'd ever see my precious little Andy again. God I'm going to miss him..
I'll be ok though. It helps me stay strong by keeping other people's spirits up. I'm still hurting, believe me, I don't know when the pain's going to end. I'm just hiding it for now, and showing people that if I can pull through this, they can too. It won't stop the tears from falling every night, and every morning when I wake up, but knowing he's safe now will get me through this.
I can't thank everyone enough for all the support and concern they've shown me and his family, we need it, and we'll all pull through this. I've told everyone of you that if you ever need someone, I'm always around, ya just gotta look for me. Take care everyone, we'll get back in the swing of things soon enough, stay strong.
Andrew, all the people that cared and loved you showed their respect the past few days, keep them safe and strong. You looked so handsome, you always did, I was so glad to see you one last time, even if it hurt. I love you Andy, I always will. Rest in peace my sweet angel. Keep me strong. |
|
|
| Memories live on forever.. |
[Nov. 13th, 2005|11:02 pm] |
Andrew's obituary was released from the Chicago sun times today:
Andrew W. Shell
Andrew W. ''Andy'' Shell, age 18, beloved son of June Wiinikka and Ted Shell; loving brother of Amelia Shell, Juila Shell, James Shell and Roseann Swallow; dear grandson of Toivo and Mabel Wiinikka and Christine Swan (grandma Chrissy); cherished nephew of Iris (Tony Buesser) Wiinikka; dearest cousin of Laurel Wiinikka-Buesser; cherished boyfriend of Julie Syracuse; fond friend of many. Visitation Monday, 4 to 8 p.m. Funeral Tuesday, 11 a.m., at Adams-Winterfield & Sullivan Funeral Home, 4343 Main St., (1 blk S. of Odgen) Downers Grove. Interment Private. Memorials to the Serenity House, 891 So. Route 53, Addison, IL 60101, appreciated. 630-968-1000 or |
|
|
| Update.. |
[Nov. 12th, 2005|11:56 pm] |
Lindsay made a good point. Everyone reacts in a different way, we all were connected to him in different ways. I'll try to explain what I'm feeling.
I'd be lying if I said I was happy. I'm trying to hide how much it hurts, it's just so hard. I can't sleep. I can't eat. I'm so lost right now and I don't know where to turn.
He was so perfect, I told him I wouldn't know what to do without him, and now that he's gone I can't even begin to explain how much it hurts.
I wish there was something I could do. All I can do is remember all the times we spent together. Everything reminds me of him around here, and I've been trying to get out of the house to get it off my mind, but it never fades. Every room I'm in holds a memory. There's so much I wish I could have said to him, so many things I wish I could have done. I try not to regret anything but I can't help feel like there was some way to prevent this. When I told him I loved him, I ment it sincerly everytime I said it.
The only thing that's kept my spirits up are knowing he's safe, and knowing that he really did love me to. I talked to Mike (glaser, his best friend) who told me that he regreted ever hurting me, and that these past few weeks all he wanted was to be with me again, and love me like he used to. Even his friend Zach, who I barely know said something similar. They said he never felt that way about someone, and I was the only girl he ever loved. It hurts to know I can never tell him how much that means to me, but I know he's smiling down from heaven knowing that I'll never stop caring about him.
A lot of people have been concerened for my mental status and saftey, and I would just like to clear something up. I have not hurt myself, nor do I ever intend to again. I know how bad it hurt him in the past, and even though he's gone it's made me realize how much people take life for granted, and hurting myself is no way to appreciate that. I am done with self injury, and everytime I feel that urge I remind myself that he's watching over me, and wanting me to be safe. My guardian Angel, my sweet Andrew. I will never, ever forget everything you've done for me.
I know he's safe. He's up there in Shangri-la in peace, livin' it up. Karen will keep him safe, and Gram, and I bet he's got a watchful eye over little Sebastian. Even though he's gone, people are always going to care for him.
Andrew, you will be missed more than you'd ever know. We'll be together again someday. Someday I'll hold you, and kiss you again. You will always have my heart, and you'll never be forgotten. I love you so much Andy, I don't know what I'm going to do without you. Sweet dreams my angel, please watch over all of us and keep us strong. |
|
|
| To all those who cared: |
[Nov. 11th, 2005|11:31 pm] |
To all those who cared:
First of all, thank you to everyone who's given me support, as well as support to Andrew's family and friends. Every bit of help is worth the effort, and greatly appreciated.
I can't take the fam enough. That's a part of me that Andy influenced on me, and I will keep with me forever.
We will never die alone
Juggalos will carry on
Swing our hatchets if we must
Each and every one of us
Mmfwkcl to all the fam who's helping me through this.
To my friends, I can't thank you enough for being there for me through all of this. I'm here for you the same way. We'll get through this together.
The funeral will be held Monday , from 4-8pm, and Tuesday starting at 11am.
Adam's Winterfield & Sullivan
4343 Main St.
Downers Grove, IL
One block south of ogden ave.
We will miss you so much Andrew. I love you, and always will.
Rest in peace. |
|
|
| Rest in Peace, my love. |
[Nov. 11th, 2005|02:52 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  Lost. | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Zug Izland: "Feel" | ] |
This is going to be a long post, but it's very, very important. Please read on.
November 11, 2005 will become a date set in my memory for the rest of my life. I don't know how, or when, if that, I will be able to heal from this, it's going to be the hardest thing I've ever had to experience.
Andrew Wilhelm Shell, 18, passed away this morning from a heroin overdose.
For those of you who don't know Andy, (which is hard to believe), he was the most amazing person I have ever met. A boyfriend of 10 months, who captured my heart, as well as those of all the people he came in contact with. I have never felt the way I felt about someone as I did with Andrew. He made me feel important, like I was someone. He made me feel beautiful, wether it was through his words or actions. He treated me like a princess. He loved me, and I loved him.
10:44 this morning I got a call from Andrew's mother, which right away sent an unerving feeling to me. "Julie, I have some bad news..Andrew died, this morning."
I honestly couldn't believe what I had just heard. I didn't think she was serious. She told me that she'd gone to wake him up this morning and he was cold, blue, motionless. He died at around 7:00 this morning.
I broke down, and thank god that Chanel was there because I don't know what I would have done without her support. Heroin was found in his room, appropriate culprit for his death. I don't think it's hit me as hard as it can yet, but the pain I feel now is a close reminder that there's much more to come.
I honestly am at a lost for words. I just can't believe he's gone. The one person I loved more than anything is gone.
All I can think of is the last time I saw him. Picking up my check from work yesterday, he was sitting outside smoking a cigarette, telling me about his check bonus. I said goodbye, but that was it. I didn't hug him, or kiss him, or tell him I loved him, and the regret I'm feeling now because of it is more than I can handle.
I'm happy to have spent a final day with him. He invited me over Wensday night, and it was just like old times. Listened to music, watched tv. He held me like I was his own, called me his "little baby," and told me how much he loved me. There was no arguments, just appreciation for one-anothers company. He'd rub my back, and trace his fingers through my hair, then softly kiss my cheek and whisper those words I'll never forget. To be able to lie in eachothers arms and be happy. There's nothing in the world I wouldn't give to hold him right now. To be able to tell him how much I love him. To feel his lips and know that someone out there cared, and loved me as much as him. I'll never have that feeling again.
I am in a terrible state of confusion and depression, and honestly I don't know what I can do to fix it. I told him wensday I don't know what I'd do without him, and now that he's gone, I'm lost. Completely. And nothing but memories can bring him back.
Andrew, you were the most amazing part of my life. I couldn't put in words how much you ment, and always will mean to me. You were the most amazing thing that ever happened to me, and I will never let that fade. I promise. I love you Andrew, you'll always have a place in my heart, you'll never be forgotton. I know you're up in Shangri-la watching over us. I'll never forget anything you taught me, or influenced me to become. You brought me into a whole new perspective on life, and to appreciate what we have. I'll always have the memory of you, you'll live on forever. True Juggalo's never die. I love you so much.
ByteYourRhymes: Not mad. A bit frusturated at times...I just don't know what you want.
xMostasteless: i want to be with you
ByteYourRhymes: I do too
xMostasteless: thinking about you is making my heart so numb right now
xMostasteless: i just want to hold you
ByteYourRhymes: Awwwwwwww
ByteYourRhymes: Tomarrow, I promise :-)
"Feel"
I gave you everything
All I could give
It might not have been
the life you'd thought you'd live
I know it feels good
to have you by my side
Even though I know you could
Just break my heart wide
I just have to ask you one more time
Did I make you feel like number one?
Did I help you see like stars and the sun? (Yeah)
Did I make you feel like number one?
Did I make you feel like life's just begun?
It's like a puzzle
a piece that just fit
You never really needed
To look for it
In your eyes
I see my future and my past
I never really thought that
We would last
I just have to ask you one more time
Did I make you feel like number one?
Did I help you see like stars and the sun? (Yeah)
Did I make you feel like number one?
Did I make you feel like life's just begun?
We've seen
all the good times and the bad
Waitin' for the next
but we never had
To the highest mountain, yeah, I would climb
I just have to ask you one more time
Did I make you feel like number one?
Did I help you see like stars and the sun? (Yeah)
Did I make you feel like number one?
Did I make you feel like life's just begun? (Yeah Yeah)
Rest in peace Andy, you will be missed more than you ever know. |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Sep. 12th, 2005|01:18 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | discontent | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Socratic: "Funeral Masses.." | ] |
R.I.P Sebastian Nowak-Tocco.
We miss you tons little guy.
Dearly beloved,
We're gathered here to mourn,
The death of the young one
The death of your first born
And he tried, tried to understand
Why his lungs gave out
His last dying words went out
And is it enough for your family
And Is it enough for your father
But is it enough to break your spirits
And he's breaking
Like a thousand windows
But these are the panes
That keeps the glass from hitting the floor
Hes the kinda guy
You wish would just leave
He wears his heart
On his sleeve
You won't see in pictures
With the whole family
He doesn't wait he just goes
Out of control and only cops know
A letter can kill
Two stones with one bird
Please step back from that highway
Dont you see it goes my way
Please step back from that highway
If your number 8
Then he's number 9
It adds up
Half the time
A teller
With no fortune
But he lucked
Out just fine
I once was told that white gold
Looks so pretty on your skin
But jewlery which covers up
All the rusting within
Please step back from that highway
Dont you see it goes my way
Please step back from that highway
And is it enough for your family
And Is it enough for your father
But is it enought to break your spirit
Its kind of like the wind
You can't see it
But you feel it
And thats the only way
You know it's there
And how can you leave
A place you've never been too
Or run away from something that's not chasing
And never was
Please step back from that highway
dont you see it goes my way
Please step back from that highway
|
|
|
| 9-11 |
[Sep. 11th, 2005|08:54 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  tired | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Senses Fail "Rum is for Drinking Not Burning" | ] |
Didn't even realize today was 911. Weird.
Um, so I haven't been on 'cause we were moving and cable just got set back up today. Not much too say with news. Me and Andy broke up on mutual bases and I think we're good for now. I'm real proud of him for starting to get his shit straightened out. New house is awesome. Darien Fest = Blew. Outside DF = The Shit. Of course. We make the parties happen.
S.S. Ejaculator Sets Sail. All Aboard, Bitches. |
|
|
| HAH. |
[Sep. 6th, 2005|02:09 pm] |
[ Error: Irreparable invalid markup ('<fontsize=4>') in entry. Owner must fix manually. Raw contents below.] <b><fontsize=4> Haha your in school you JERKS! </font>
I'm bored. And sick. Kinda. I think I'm either coming down with mono or catching the cold my mom had. I'll go to school tomarrow, I feel like shit though, and school just wasn't worth the effort.
Ummm I have to wake Jess up soon to take me to the new house. I have to touch up my slime-green walls x).
Fady says those walls will increase sexual urges.
<b>Orgy?</b>
Bah!
No.
STDs are icky.
And I'm situated.
Ummm We're moving tomarrow, and I don't know if I'll be able to be online right away cause I don't know if the cables up yet. We'll just hope so, huh?
Andrew you should start using your LJ. It passes time and keeps us updated <3
Alright, bye everyone. |
|
|
| Read it and weep, bitches. |
[May. 30th, 2005|10:43 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  annoyed | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Mindless Self Indulgence: "Backmask" | ] |
Comment if you wish to be added with your name, and why. |
|
|
| navigation |
| [ |
viewing |
| |
most recent entries |
] |
| |
|
|
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
youemofuck's journal
